For gay men and male couples who want to become parents, gestational surrogacy can provide a path to parenthood with a biological connection to one or both fathers.
The process involves several important pieces, including egg donation, IVF, embryo creation, finding and matching with a gestational surrogate, legal agreements, and planning for pregnancy and delivery. It can feel like a lot to understand when you are first getting started.
The good news is that with an experienced surrogacy team and the right professionals in place, each step can be coordinated so you understand what is happening, what decisions need to be made, and what comes next.
How Surrogacy Works for Gay Dads
For male intended parents, the process typically involves both an egg donor and a gestational surrogate.
The egg donor provides the eggs used to create embryos. During in vitro fertilization, or IVF, the eggs are fertilized in a fertility laboratory using sperm from one or both intended fathers. The resulting embryos develop in the laboratory for several days before those suitable for future transfer are frozen.
Depending on your fertility clinic’s recommendations and your individual circumstances, you may also consider preimplantation genetic testing for aneuploidy, commonly called PGT-A. This testing can provide information about the number of chromosomes in an embryo and may help your fertility specialist determine which embryo to consider for transfer.
A gestational surrogate carries the pregnancy but does not provide the egg. This means she does not have a genetic relationship to the baby. Once the surrogate has completed the required screening, received medical clearance from the fertility clinic, and legal contracts are complete, the clinic can begin preparing for an embryo transfer.
Choosing an Egg Donor and Creating Embryos
Choosing an egg donor is a personal part of the process. Some intended parents feel an immediate connection to a particular donor profile, while others take more time to determine which qualities matter most to them.
Depending on the fertility clinic and your preferences, you may work with an egg donor agency, a fertility clinic donor program, a frozen egg bank, or someone you already know.
When reviewing egg donor profiles, intended parents may consider medical and family history, genetic screening results, physical characteristics, education, interests, personality, and other information shared by the donor. Medical and genetic screening are especially important because they help your fertility team evaluate potential health considerations before creating embryos.
Gay couples also need to decide how they would like to approach sperm contribution. One father may provide sperm for embryo creation, or both fathers may choose to create embryos.
When both partners would like the opportunity for a biological connection, a fertility clinic may fertilize a portion of the donor’s eggs with sperm from each father. Your reproductive endocrinologist can discuss the options and help you decide what makes sense for your goals.
Finding and Matching With a Gestational Surrogate
Finding the right gestational surrogate involves much more than finding someone who is willing to carry a pregnancy.
Surrogate candidates should complete a thorough screening process before moving forward. Professional guidance from organizations such as the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), helps fertility professionals evaluate gestational carrier candidates.
Screening generally includes a review of previous pregnancies and deliveries, medical records, psychological evaluation, background screening, and an assessment of whether the candidate has the support and stability needed for a surrogacy journey. The fertility clinic will also complete its own medical evaluation before approving a surrogate for embryo transfer.
Screening is only one part of a successful match. Intended parents and surrogates also need to feel comfortable with one another and share compatible expectations.
Before agreeing to a match, important topics may include communication during the pregnancy, prenatal testing, medical decisions, expectations surrounding delivery, travel, and the type of relationship everyone hopes to have during and after the journey.
Taking the time to discuss these topics early can prevent misunderstandings later and help create a stronger relationship throughout the pregnancy.
Understanding the Legal Process
Surrogacy law varies from state to state, which makes experienced reproductive legal counsel an important part of the process.
The intended parents and gestational surrogate should have separate attorneys so that each side receives independent legal advice. These attorneys prepare and review the gestational carrier agreement before embryo transfer.
The agreement typically addresses surrogate compensation and expenses, insurance, medical care, communication, pregnancy expectations, decision-making, and plans surrounding labor and delivery. It also establishes the responsibilities of everyone involved in the arrangement.
Your attorneys will also guide you through the process of establishing legal parentage. The specific procedure depends on the laws of the applicable state and the circumstances of your journey. This may involve legal steps taken before or after birth.
For gay dads in particular, working with an attorney who regularly handles LGBTQ+ parentage and assisted reproduction matters can help ensure that the appropriate legal steps are completed for both intended fathers.
How Much Does Surrogacy Cost?
A surrogacy journey in the United States commonly costs $150,000 or more, although the final amount varies considerably from one journey to another.
Expenses may include agency services, surrogate base compensation and additional benefits, egg donor expenses, IVF treatment, embryo creation and testing, legal representation, escrow services, insurance, travel, and other pregnancy-related costs.
Medical circumstances can also affect the total cost. An additional embryo transfer, unexpected travel, insurance changes, or complications during pregnancy can increase expenses.
For this reason, intended parents should look beyond the initial estimated costs and understand what expenses could arise throughout the entire journey. Building a realistic budget with room for unexpected circumstances can make financial planning much easier.
Learn more in our guide to Surrogacy Costs.
What Does a Surrogacy Agency Do?
A surrogacy agency should provide much more than a match.
A strong agency helps coordinate the many people and milestones involved throughout your journey. That may include recruiting and screening surrogate candidates, helping you find a compatible match, coordinating with fertility clinics and attorneys, assisting with insurance and escrow requirements, tracking important milestones, supporting communication, and preparing for pregnancy and delivery.
This coordination becomes especially valuable because surrogacy involves several professionals who each manage a different part of the process. Your clinic focuses on medical care. Attorneys manage the legal process. Insurance and escrow professionals handle additional financial and coverage needs.
Your agency helps connect those pieces while supporting both intended parents and the surrogate throughout the journey.
At Simple Steps Fertility, our goal is to help you understand not only what needs to happen, but also why it matters and what you should expect next.
Taking the First Step Toward Fatherhood
You do not need to understand every detail of surrogacy before you begin.
Your first steps may simply involve learning about egg donation, understanding the expected costs and timeline, considering how you would like to create embryos, and talking with experienced professionals about your options.
At Simple Steps Fertility, we support gay dads through egg donation and gestational surrogacy with personalized guidance throughout the journey. Our team helps coordinate each stage while making sure you have the information and support you need to make informed decisions along the way.
If you are considering surrogacy, schedule a consultation with Simple Steps Fertility to learn more about the process and what your path to parenthood could look like.